The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
