I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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