Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
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You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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