Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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