Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
