When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
