He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
