Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
