someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
