I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
