So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
