we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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