I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
