too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
