You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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