textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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