Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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