Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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