I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
