hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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