I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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