im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
