I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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