i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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