he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
