I want to have your abortion
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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