I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
