Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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