You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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