If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
