ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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