So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
