you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
