dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
