Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
