Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
