life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Couch. On fire.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
