Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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