I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You smell like stripper and shame
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
