i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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