in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
