Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
