Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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