Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
