Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
