its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
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Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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