i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
