So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
