Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
