dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
