I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
They have beer where we have blood.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
