Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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