apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
