so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
