she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
