there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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