OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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