Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
