The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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