My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
