just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
