I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
