Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
