You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
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He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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