My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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