Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
