After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
