Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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