Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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