I just saw a hot homeless man
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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