If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
