I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
