Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
