Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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