I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
