Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Farmville is her only friend.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
