The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
