The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
