You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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