Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
