I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
